Who Is Nico Tortorella?
Born on July 30, 1988, in Wilmette, Illinois, Nico Tortorella began performing in community theater before making a name for themselves in television and film. They gained widespread recognition for playing the tattooed heartthrob Josh on the TV Land comedy-drama series Younger, which aired from 2015 to 2021.
Tortorella is known as much for their acting and modeling careers as for their candid public engagement with topics like gender identity, sexual fluidity, polyamory, and parenting—making them a complex figure whose life and work intersect across cultural and media narratives.
Nico Tortorella Early Life and Background
Childhood and Family
Nico grew up in a Chicago suburb amid a supportive yet conservative environment. From a young age, they gravitated toward performance and articulating identity through creative expression.
Education and Early Influences
Tortorella’s early development on stage laid a foundation for understanding performance as a means of personal exploration — a theme that would reappear throughout their acting and public life.
Nico Tortorella’s Acting Career
Breakthrough Role in Younger
Tortorella’s role in Younger introduced them to international audiences, showcasing a knack for portraying layered, emotionally rich characters. This role helped establish them as a charismatic presence on screen and opened opportunities in both TV and film.
Film and Television Appearances
Before Younger, Tortorella appeared in Scream 4 (2011) and the crime drama The Following (2013–2015). They also starred as Felix Carlucci on The Walking Dead: World Beyond from 2020–2021, where discussions of gender and identity further aligned with their public persona.
Nico Tortorella’s Gender Identity Journey
Identifying as Genderfluid and Nonbinary
For years, Tortorella publicly identified as genderfluid and nonbinary, using they/them pronouns and openly engaging in conversations about gender beyond the binary.
Evolution Over Time
Tortorella’s understanding of gender identity has continued to evolve, driven in part by life transitions, relationships, and becoming a parent — all of which influenced how they describe themselves today.
Nico Tortorella Pronouns Explained
From They/Them to He/Him
In a major shift starting in 2024, Nico announced they now use he/him pronouns, emphasizing that this reflects their current sense of self. This change was discussed on the Full of Shift podcast, co-hosted with his wife, Bethany Meyers.
Nico explained that after previously using they/them pronouns, he now feels more aligned with he/him, saying: “I feel like a man more than I ever have in my life right now.”
Context of the Shift
This pronoun transition emerged alongside his experiences with parenthood, infertility challenges, and personal identity development. The ongoing conversation around pronouns had become an “unnecessary roadblock,” according to Nico, leading him to embrace he/him more fully.
Fluidity and Future Possibilities
Although he primarily uses he/him today, Nico has stressed that pronoun identity can be fluid and may evolve further in the future — a message that resonates with many in LGBTQ+ communities.
Nico Tortorella Sexuality and Queer Identity
Sexual Fluidity and Bisexuality
Over the years, Nico has described his sexuality using terms such as bisexual, sexually fluid, and demisexual, each representing facets of his experience with attraction and identity.
Identifying as bisexual, Tortorella has acknowledged that labels can be helpful yet sometimes limiting, especially in mainstream understandings of sexuality.
Personal Growth and Public Representation
Early in his career, Tortorella spoke about being sexually fluid — meaning attraction not strictly limited by gender — and later embraced identities that more accurately reflected his lived experience.
Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers’ Relationship
How They Met
Tortorella met Bethany C. Meyers in college in Chicago. The couple began dating as teens and sustained a deep connection through their 20s, ultimately deciding to build a life together.
Their 2018 Wedding
After dating for over a decade, Nico and Bethany married on March 9, 2018 in Manhattan. They celebrated with a ceremony at St. Paul’s Chapel, described as embracing gender-bending and non-traditional expression — reflecting their identities and refusal of strict gender norms.
Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers’ Polyamorous Marriage
What Polyamory Means to Them
Nico and Bethany describe their relationship as polyamorous, meaning they have the freedom to date others while maintaining their primary emotional bond. This model is based on communication, consent, and mutual trust rather than exclusivity.
Dating Others While Married
Rather than traditional monogamy, their polyamorous arrangement allows space for individual exploration while nurturing a deep partnership — a structure they consider rooted in honesty and love.
Redefining Modern Love
While some found the idea unconventional, the couple’s approach to polyamory emphasizes that love and commitment don’t require rigid conformity to traditional norms.
Nico Tortorella on Love, Marriage, and Ownership
Nico has spoken eloquently about not wanting to “own” his partner — only himself — expressing that genuine love includes freedom and happiness for the other person, even outside of exclusivity. This reflects a broader philosophy on love as expansive rather than possessive — a view that resonates with many relationship theorists and modern couples alike.
Nico Tortorella and Bethany Meyers’ Children
Welcoming Their Daughter
In March 2023, Nico and Bethany welcomed their first child, a daughter named Kilmer Dove Meyers.
Birth of Their Son
The couple welcomed their second child — a son — in 2024, expanding their family and deepening their connection to parenthood.
Parenthood and Identity Shifts
Parenthood has been transformative for Nico, influencing his views on identity, pronouns, and life priorities, as he’s openly shared in interviews and podcast discussions.
Nico Tortorella’s Infertility Journey
Like many couples, Nico and Bethany confronted infertility challenges before conceiving. These struggles were emotionally demanding and part of the context that contributed to discussions around pronoun identity and life direction.
The Full of Shift Podcast Explained
What the Podcast Is About
Full of Shift — co-hosted by Nico and Bethany — explores questions around gender, love, identity, parenthood, and culture in an open, conversational format, blending personal narratives with broader social discussion.
Podcast Themes
Episodes often unpack how identity evolves, how relationships adapt, and how gender and love intersect in contemporary life — reflecting both hosts’ nuanced experiences.
Public Reaction and Pronoun Backlash
Criticism Within the LGBTQ+ Community
Nico’s decision to adopt he/him pronouns drew criticism from some social media users who saw it as abandoning nonbinary identity or pandering to mainstream expectations. Critics labeled him with harsh terms like “culture vulture,” but he pushed back against what he described as gatekeeping.
Nico’s Response
Nico’s response to backlash emphasized empathy and understanding: that identity shifts can be deeply personal and should not be held to rigid standards by others.
Nico Tortorella on Identity, Acting, and Growth
Acting and Identity
Tortorella has observed that roles in his career often mirrored personal growth — from portraying queer characters to embodying complex figures navigating identity. He notes that life roles and acting roles are not mutually exclusive.
Embracing Complexity
Rather than seeing shifts as contradictions, Nico embraces them as part of a multifaceted life — showing that multiple identities can coexist without negating one another.
Nico Tortorella’s Influence on Modern Conversations
Challenging Gender Norms
Through his openness about gender and identity, Nico has contributed to broader cultural discussions about gender beyond binaries.
Dialogue on Polyamory
By sharing his polyamorous relationship publicly, he helped normalize conversations around alternative relationship structures.
Cultural Legacy
As a public figure, Nico’s journey reflects shifting societal norms: how identity, love, and family are understood beyond traditional boxes.
Frequently Asked Questions About Nico Tortorella
What pronouns does Nico Tortorella use?
Nico currently uses he/him pronouns, though he acknowledges past use of they/them and the fluid nature of identity.
Is Nico Tortorella nonbinary?
Tortorella previously identified as nonbinary and genderfluid, but his self-description has evolved with life changes and personal understanding.
Is Nico Tortorella married?
Yes — to lifestyle entrepreneur Bethany C. Meyers, whom he married in 2018.
Does Nico Tortorella have children?
Yes — he and Bethany have two children: a daughter (born 2023) and a son (born 2024).
Is Nico Tortorella polyamorous?
Yes — he and Bethany practice a polyamorous relationship, meaning they explore relationships outside their primary partnership with mutual consent and trust.
Final Thoughts on Nico Tortorella’s Journey
Nico Tortorella’s life story is one of evolution — creatively, personally, and publicly. From acting roles that brought him into millions of homes to intimate conversations about identity, relationships, and family, he embodies a modern narrative of self-discovery and expression. By sharing his journey with authenticity and depth, Nico has contributed to important dialogues about gender fluidity, love beyond boundaries, and what it means to build a family on one’s own terms.
